The problem with making a real big change to your life is that once you’ve made it you know your life won’t ever be the same again. It’s like a one-way street that once you go down there isn’t a way of getting back to exactly the same place you left off. Some choices to change involve weighing up several different possibilities and then choosing which one appears to be the best option at the time. So, I am going to try and help you see through the haze and give you the uncomfortable truth about making the right decisions for you.
How do you decide which decision is right for you?
Let’s start with the basics and acknowledge the fact that what defines a worthwhile decision to you is not the same for anyone else. No one but you can answer questions about whether making a decision to choose this choice or that choice gels with your values and what you want in life. And there are so many options of what you could choose that sometimes it can be overwhelming. Sometimes we ask those closest to us what they think we ought to do, and invariably the answers are well-meaning but not always helpful. This is because no one knows what you want or how you really feel deep down inside. They do not know your secret desires, hopes, and dreams and how these align with the decision you are trying to make. So, what is the best way to go about making a big choice?
Tangible benefits versus the intangible
If you are thinking about making a big change, there are facts and figures at play. There are things in black in white that you can write down or put in a spreadsheet and calculate. Then there are so many other elements that you just won’t be able to account for in the facts and numbers because they are about your feelings. You could go with the trusty old pros and cons list to attempt to think about all the reasons for and against making a particular choice in your life. But there will always be aspects that you won’t be able to foresee prior to actually making the decision to go for it. These are the intangible things that you’ll gain from making that change that can’t always be anticipated.
So, in the end, you do your best to capture all the elements of what your decision could change in your life and you have a think about whether any of the options available are worth pursuing.
Research for more clarity
Sometimes, but not always doing a little research on the topic can help you to see the forest for the trees. Researching other people’s experiences and learning from their mistakes and feedback depending on the situation can help you to see aspects of your decision that otherwise, you wouldn’t have been to see. This gives you more peace of mind when you come to the point of making a decision. It can also help you determine which options are more suitable to you. And make the process of making the right decision for you that much easier.
The point though is you do eventually have to make a decision.
As with everything in life you do your analysis of your options and come to a point where you have to decide what do should do. If it is a choice between option A or option B you actually have a third option too and that is do nothing. This is an important aspect of decision making that we don’t always acknowledge and that is there is an option where you don’t choose at all but in not choosing you are choosing to remain with what you have or where you are. Confusing right!?
Sometimes we forget this fact that we don’t always have to choose A or B. And sometimes we retreat to a place of comfort and stay where we are not realizing that this is also a choice. Though we may feel like we are boxed in and stuck there is always a choice! You are not a passive observer in your life even if you feel like you are. Because deciding not to make a choice is still actually, in reality, a choice.
You won’t always make the right choice
Another thing I think that is important to acknowledge is the uncomfortable fact that you won’t always make the right decisions. In fact, there is no way that you can account for life’s curveballs and unforeseen implications of your decisions. It is a difficult thing to know that you may look back at your decision one day and realize that it has changed your entire life in all kinds of ways. But that is life! We make the best decisions we can with the information we have at the time and hope for the best.
Give yourself time to adjust
I would definitely give your decision some time to settle and give yourself time to iron out the kinks and get used to this new situation you’re in. It is important that you don’t overreact and make a rash change because you’re feeling discomfort or uncertain that you have made the right choice. It is always difficult to adjust to a new circumstance i.e. a new job, new relationship, new home, etc and you can feel a longing for the old comfortable well-worn paths of before but give yourself time. Allow yourself to focus on the positives and the reasons why you made the decision in the first place. Eventually, you should find that you settle into your new routine and think less and less about what you have left behind.
No decision is permanent
Even though it may feel like it at the time, almost no decision you make is completely permanent. There are of course exceptions but, in most cases, you can readjust and rectify if you find that the decision you made isn’t quite working for you. After having given yourself some time to adjust to your new regime you may stop thinking about what was. However, as life changes and you change and sometimes what you thought you wanted more than anything turns out to have been a red herring. And you figure out that you aren’t really happy with where you’ve ended up. And so you get to thinking about how you could make a change to fix what isn’t working and the decision cycle begins again!
It never stops
Whether it’s minute to minute decisions or big life-changing ones, the uncomfortable truth is there is no real right decision to make. But you can find some comfort by knowing you can aim for making the best decisions you can with the information available and if it doesn’t quite work out you can always adjust!
Life is a journey, you never stop learning, growing or making decisions. And sometimes life throws curved balls at you that stop you in your tracks and make you reassess where you are in life. All of this factors make making decisions mighty hard and if you put pressure on yourself to make the “right” decisions you may never take the leap to make a change that would better serve you in your life.