Generally, we direct our forgiveness towards others, but you also need to learn the all important practice of how to forgive yourself. In Part 1 of this series we learned how to find forgiveness with regards to others and in this post we’ll delve into the why’s and how’s of learning to forgive yourself.
Why learning to forgive yourself is so important
There is one key difference that makes learning to forgive yourself super important. It is never going to be able to put physical distance between you and yourself no matter how hard to run or try. But that doesn’t mean that forgiveness isn’t completely essential.
In fact, if you don’t practice forgiveness on yourself, you’ll end up trying to run away from the you that you were/have become as a result of your past. Without forgiveness you may turn to all kinds of escape methods to numb the pain of what can eventually be self-hatred.
This is no way to live. Loving yourself is an important part of building the life of your dreams.
You are an integral part of your life and only you can make your life truly awesome. This only happens when you empty out your shoes and get rid of all the little stones irritating your skin and heart.
Easy to say hard to do
Like many other things in life forgiving yourself isn’t as easy as it sounds. It takes time to learn how to do it and persistence to continue forgiving when you’re tired of falling down and you’re disappointed in yourself.
There are things you can forgive yourself for that have to do with things you did, things you wish you did, things you didn’t do, and things you wished you did. So, forgiveness is a bit of a beast. But how do you learn to forgive yourself?
Be kind to yourself
Whatever you’ve done or not done the trick to moving forward is learning to be kind to yourself. You may have done better or made a better call at the time, but it is likely that you did the best with what information and knowledge you had at the time.
For example, if you are still baring the guilt and regret of something you did when you were five years old, chances are your five-year-old self didn’t have the awareness you have today. Your younger self was more innocent and trusting and didn’t have the many years of experience in life that you now have. It’s actually really unfair to project your shoulda, coulda, and woulda’s onto your younger you and because there is nothing you can change about your past actions anyway, it’s kind of pointless.
Learn from the past
If you don’t let go of the decisions and actions your past self has done it’s like you’re choosing to carry around a rotting dead body on your shoulders. For each thing that you carry with you, you add to the dead weight that you carry around with you. You may not be aware of how much this stuff is weighing you down but guaranteed it is.
It is important that you recognise that the past should stay in the past. And it isn’t fair to keep on dredging up your mistakes.
Whilst we all do make mistakes part of forgiveness is learning and then allowing yourself to move on. It is important that with each burden you’ve been carrying to identify for yourself why that event bothered you so much.
Ask yourself these questions:
- Why does this bother you so much?
- When or where do the memories of these events surface in your mind?
- What triggers you going back to that past you and scrutinising yourself?
- What are you scrutinising yourself for?
- What do you need to learn from these experiences?
- How can you change your behaviour/decision making process to avoid being in this situation again?
By analysing why, you keep going back to these occasions you can learn from them and then let them go.
A physical and emotional reset
There are a few ways to symbolically let go of this dead weight that is holding you back.
You could:
- Write down each of these things on a bit of paper and then burn them
- Collect an item that reminds you of that time that you no longer want to keep and get rid of it, you can donate it to a charity or sell it, throw it away or burn it.
- Or you could go further and do a big spring clean and really remove anything that reminds you of the person you don’t want to be. Only keep the things that make you feel good. If you do decide to do this, I would advise doing the clean and then storing the stuff you want to get rid of for at least a week or two. This way you have the opportunity to change your mind and you still get the benefit of the therapeutic clean out.
By giving yourself a fresh physical start, you can also give yourself a mental reset. Allow yourself to go through the process and acknowledge yourself and your feelings. Then feel the release as you take physical actions that help you to set yourself free from the heavy and stinky dead bodies you’ve been carrying around.
Find new things to occupy your mind
Whilst it may still be a while before you completely let go of your past there is something to be said for keeping busy. Finding new things that positively impact your life will stop you from dwelling on what could have been, and help you to focus on the here and now.
Life is a precious gift and there are so many wonderful ways to spend your time that build you up instead of tear you down. If you don’t have something that springs to mind that you enjoy doing you may be able to turn your brain power onto figuring out what makes you light up.
We have put together a Dream Building 101 manual that is designed for just this. This manual is a step by step blueprint to help you start to build the life of your dreams. This is a hugely positive outcome of the forgiving yourself process. You are free from the bondage that has been weighing you down and now you can focus on you!
What makes you tick and brings you joy and fulfillment will be completely different from your friends and family. You are a unique and wonderful person but maybe you need to rediscover that. Maybe you never had the opportunity to really find that thing that makes waking up every day an exciting adventure.
Well now you’ll have the time and the energy to discover these things. You can find constructive ways to fill your life even if you don’t think so right now we’d like to prove you wrong.
At DustyDreamerHQ we want to help you be the best you, you can be and live the life of your dreams. We 100% believe that with a little bit of help and some hard work you can get there.
The next step
You may feel discouraged and down in the dumps right now, but it does get easier. It will take time and effort to change your thinking and modify your thought patterns. But you can do this! If you need a little help you can contact us with any questions you have, we’d love to help you.
Learning to forgive yourself is probably one of the hardest things you’ll learn to do in this life and it’s certainly one of the most important. Letting your past dead bodies be buried and stay in the past is easier said than done. But by being kind to yourself you can begin to let go. If you learn what you need to from these events you can take something positive and move forward. Life is all about learning and growing and finding ways to do better and putting those ways into practice. Give yourself a physical and emotional reset to clear out any triggers and reminders of the person you no longer are.
Then finally, take that time and energy you were expending to lug around your baggage and spend it on other things. Find ways of building yourself up and discovering the awesome person you are. Use your time to do things that bring you fulfillment and joy rather than anxiety and tension.
This choice is yours, choose to forgive yourself and live in the light of positive reflection and forward motion. Dust yourself off, pick yourself up and start again, your future is waiting!