Are you a self-confessed high achiever and/or a perfectionist? Do you feel anxiety when you aren’t doing anything – except relaxing? If so this post is for you! I want you to be able to learn how to deal with the unhealthy expectations you have of yourself so that you aren’t overcome by them. This is definitely important if you want to build the life of your dreams because it is easy to get stuck in the weeds!
What is an unhealthy or unhelpful expectation?
Have you ever set a goal for yourself that no matter how hard to tried and how much work you put in seemed to be so far out of your reach you became discouraged? I know I have. Being a high achiever, I often set goals that are super aspirational and sometimes I get really frustrated because I’m not getting to where I need to go fast enough. Sometimes this frustration turns into disappointment and even discouragement. And at it’s worst I may be tempted to give up on my wild dreams.
This is or hopefully well before now is the time to realize that the goals you have set are BIG ones. They are the equivalent of a couch potato deciding to climb Mount Everest in one go.
Obviously, the couch potato has a variety of major challenges to deal with before even setting foot on the Mount itself. And sometimes this is what we fail to realize when we set ourselves an equivalent challenge in life.
It would be unrealistic to expect yourself to get up off your sofa and be fit enough to tackle a mountain like Everest, so why do we expect that we can go from where we are to reaching our goal?
Why do we expect it to be easier than it actually is?
Put simply, we forget to break down our goals. In deciding what we want to achieve and dreaming BIG, we let our imaginations wild and eventually we settle on a goal that really speaks to us. This thing that we now want to aim for makes us feel invincible and full of energy. We want to achieve it and we’ll do ANYTHING we have to to get there.
The problem is this is like a blossoming romance, first all you see are the promising good bits. But soon enough after the shine of newness wears off you start to find getting along more difficult, and more and more things start to bug you about your once-perfect relationship.
The truth is nothing has really changed, only your perspective. You’ve gone from being the person sitting on the couch to the person laboring up the mountain on step at a time. Sometimes, slipping on unstable rocks and losing your footing. Other times you’re caught in a blizzard (unexpected life events) and there is nothing you can do but hold on.
Life doesn’t always make it easy
Stuck in a storm clinging to the side of a mountain you can imagine that you’re not going to be making a huge amount of progress on getting to the top. But that doesn’t mean you should give up and quit – especially since in most cases your mountain, meaning your goal might be something like a hobby or a habit or a lifestyle.
And you may at times find it hard to keep up, or you might even take a couple of steps backwards because you don’t feel like you can do it. But I know you can!
How you can deal with the unhealthy expectations you have on yourself
Ok so, I’ve given you a bit of a reality check on why setting unrealistic expectations is an unhealthy practice. But what can you do to make your super aspirational goals to climb whatever “mountain” you choose work for you?
Here are some tips that will inspire you:
Recognize the size of your goal
Recognize that you are currently the equivalent of a couch potato and you have just decided your biggest goal in life is to climb Mount Everest.
Understand that it isn’t impossible BUT that it will be a LONG journey to get there
Decide on some mile markers
Take some time to think about some smaller milestones that you can use as mile markers to guide you. These markers will also help you feel like you are getting closer to the end result (even when the end result is still very very far away).
You can make it visual and put your mile markers up on a poster so you can see the steps. Or maybe you just want to focus on making it to mile marker 1 before you look to the next step in the journey.
The aim is to keep yourself motivated when things get hard or life gets in the way.
Read more specifically about how to keep making progress on your dreams when life sends you a storm – here.
Track your progress
I know it seems like something that is extra work but writing down your progress on a daily basis or at least a regular basis is super helpful. You can use this as a tool to look back and see all that you have done to make progress toward your goal.
In our Mount Everest example, this might be the equivalent of the couch potato beginning a habit of exercising every day. Some days it will feel like what’s the point? “I’m getting nowhere.” But if the couch potato recorded things like stamina, or heart rate while exercising or the duration of the exercise or even the weight that they are able to bench press with each training session they would see the progress over time. From week to week they could track their improvements and make adjustments to their training regime in order to get them to the next milemarker.
Want to know more about how to track your progress – Read this!
Take it one step at a time
With any mountain size goal, it’s important to take it one day at a time one moment at a time – it is so simple but definitely the best thing you can do.
The stages of growth and challenges to first prepare us and then slowly and gradually progress our way up the “mountain” we have chosen to climb. Some portions of the journey will be easier than others but know that you are making progress even if it “feels” slow.
Be kind to yourself – know you can do it all you need to do is keep at it and you will get there. But importantly you have to start from where you are not where you wish you were (read more about this here).
Avoid comparisons
Even a snail gets to where it wants to go eventually if he continues to move. But there isn’t any point in it comparing its progress to any other animal it would get discouraged and give up in its quest. Don’t give up on your dreams because you see someone else living theirs. Rather celebrate your wins! And focus on putting one foot in front of the other. Because really that is what counts and your own actions are what you can control.
Celebrate your wins
Another important key to remember is to celebrate your wins. Any progress is amazing and you should take time to reflect on your incremental achievements. Ensure you stop and treat yourself. You could even set some special thing/s (time/ an activity/ whatever you decide) aside earlier on in your journey and make a promise only to enjoy it when you’ve reached that particular milestone. Any progress however small is progress and it all adds up to a win!
Know that you will get to where you want to go – it will just take time
One of the hardest things to remember, and the key to managing the expectations you have of yourself, is to realize that though your dream is not impossible it will take longer and be more difficult than you realize and that is ok! Likely at times, you will question your ability to keep going or ask yourself “what’s the point?” But the key is to reach your goal it just takes small consistent effort. And the best way to maintain momentum is to take action. So, take the pressure off of yourself and don’t stress about all the things you aren’t doing. Rather focus on what you are doing. Identify what’s working. Celebrate the wins and you will find it easier to keep going when the going gets tough.