Hooray! We’ve made it to Part 3 of this series which I’ve written to help you learn how to Release your Past to Embrace your life right now. To recap, in Part 1 we discovered how to deal with abstract losses in life, and in Part 2 we dealt with the sticky subject of regret. In Part 3 we’re moving upward and onward and learning how to turn the page on the past and step forward with power and purpose. The ultimate goal here is to remove those things which are weighing you down and keeping you from progressing. Negative and destructive thought patterns really impact how you live your life. Now that we’ve dealt with some of these we can move forward with the strength and endurance required to help you start building the life of your dreams.
Be Honest with Yourself
The first step to living with power and purpose is to really and truly be honest with yourself. Dig deep and really analyse what has been holding you back in your life. What behaviours do you routinely display or go-to thought patterns are chopping your dreams off at the knees?
For me there were a couple of truths that I had to slowly come to realise. Until these realisations there were these invisible barriers that I kept building and maintaining. I kept looking to others to solve my problems, not intentionally, but the reality was I’d ask others for advice but I’d never really truly been brave enough to put my cards on the table with myself.
There was one point in my life where I sat down with someone, I was rather unhappy at the time at work and in general. This person asked me a truly illuminating question, though I didn’t think it at the time. She asked me, if you could do anything in the world what would it be? If there were no limitations or restrictions.
I whispered my response after a few minutes, “be a writer.”
I’m not sure whether she heard me or not, but if she did, she may have thought I was a little crazy because the thing I do for work is not writing, it’s rocks (I’m a geologist).
It took me a few more years to really come to terms with that deep desire of mine and what it meant for me moving forward with my life. I had to be brave enough to acknowledge that I wanted to be a writer. I had discounted being a writer because I didn’t really think was possible for little old me be successful at it. But I decided that I had to give myself a chance.
Embrace Where You Are
Whilst on this journey of self-discovery I had to admit that I knew nothing about the craft of writing a novel which was my ultimate dream. I loved books as a kid, and loved making up stories too, so that part wouldn’t be a problem. But honestly once I started into the unknown, I began to learn and discover that there was an awful lot that I didn’t know.
It just so happens that I’m also a bit of a perfectionist, ok a big perfectionist. Everything has to be done properly, which is a bit hard when you’re a complete novice.
It was important that I allowed myself to start from where I was at but not let that get in the way or hinder my forward motion.
It is important for you to do the same. You can’t change your past decisions, or the cards life has dealt you but you can embrace where you are and in that there is power.
Love Learning
Life is all about learning. Mostly the circumstances we get into help us to learn about ourselves and the way we operate and what truly drives us. Enjoy getting to know yourself and what makes you tick. It will help you to be in tune with what things energise and thrill you and which things drain your energy.
Learning can also take the form of reading, and researching, or doing activities you’ve never done before. At the end of the day you are the sum of all your experiences, challenge yourself to do something new. At the very least you will learn something about yourself, and if you’re lucky you might strike gold and find out that you really enjoy that activity.
Choose to be Content
Whilst you’re on this journey to build the life of your dreams and make improvements, don’t forget that your life isn’t all bad. Actually, it’s probably mostly really good. There might be some tweaks that we can make to really juice up our lives and really start living to the fullest.
Discontent is the enemy of happiness, and so if you’re really not finding fulfilment try to work out why you’re discontent. Which part of your life is not working? This is the part that you can change. The rest you may love, so do just that – love it!
Everything is a Choice
Those parts of your life you’re not so happy with, you can change them! It’s powerful when you realise that you don’t have to wait for someone else to come along and solve all your problems. You can do a lot of it yourself (though sometimes a second unbiased opinion is helpful).
Remember it’s your choice whether you choose or don’t choose to change. If you decide you don’t want to change something in your life, it’s still a choice. Give weight to these choices. It is as hard if not harder to decide not to change something as much as it is to change, especially if others are saying you should.
Remember, just because you haven’t changed anything externally doesn’t mean you haven’t changed. You can completely shift your mindset and viewpoint without making a single radical move.
Your friends and relatives may not even realise something so profound has happened to you until they see the subtle difference in you. The way you act with more purpose or are more decisive and know what you want. These are hints to others you have changed, but you shouldn’t try an impress anyone other than yourself.
Think of the Alternative
We always see what we could have or should have in our lives. For me, I’m 31 and single. Needless to say, there are a lot of things I could or should have had by now. I would have liked a husband and some cute kids. But alas I do not have. Instead, I get to spend precious time learning about myself, and how I tick. I have the freedom to travel and choose without impacting a great many other people. In addition I have the benefit of spending time with my parents and I get to challenge and surprise myself all the time.
I now know how to mow the lawn, take care of my finances, bake a cake, change a tire, build flat pack furniture, take care of a garden, and use a barbeque.
There are many wonderful upsides to being where I am right now. But I could dwell on the fact that I would have thought that things should be a certain way, especially if I compare my life to those of many of my peers. I’m missing out on things, I want things I don’t have. But think of what I’d be missing out on if I didn’t have this right here right now, the life that I have.
Focus on the Positive
There are a lot of people who talk about the power of positivity and it is pretty spot on. Being positive is powerful. We are quite used to being critical and comparing ourselves to what we think our lives should be. But it’s pointless to do this, dwelling on the coulda, shoulda, woulda, is destructive.
Instead, think of all the good things in your life right now. It might be hard at first but slowly you’ll get better at this.
Keep a “good things” Journal
Keeping a journal of some description is super helpful but I came up with the idea to keep a positive only journal a couple of months back.
Every night I take five or ten minutes and write down all the good things about that day. At first, I had to start with the words “good things” to remind myself that I was only recording the good things, because for some reason bad things are so much easier to remember.
By practicing this way of thinking you start to train your brain to look for the good and focus on that. It’s not so hard when your life is going well, and the sun is shining but when you hit a bump in the road you may find that this is a trickier ask.
Find the Silver Lining
It’s when things get a little rocky, and life just isn’t going your way. Your mind fixates on the negative and dwells on what you could have or should have done better.
This may be a simple mistake you made at work, the loss of a job, or a friendship. Maybe you lost your wallet or got conned by one of those telephone scammers.
Use your positive journal and keep persisting through the hard days. Even if you only have one or two successes for the day that’s ok. Just putting one foot in front of the other is sometimes the best you can do in the given situation. Be kind to yourself and know that it will get better and you can get through this hard time!
One day things won’t seem so bad, you’ll gradually start to pick yourself up and dust yourself off. You’ll have learnt something about yourself and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel will give you a renewed hope.
It’s all going to be ok.
Celebrate Life
Where ever you are right now on this rollercoaster ride we call life it’s important to celebrate what you have, and at the very least that’s life. No matter what high or low you’re experiencing, what loss, or regret you’re dealing with I hope that you will find the power in realising you are in control of your life.
Every day is a gift and not a given. Sometimes we get so caught up in the routine of life and busy demanding schedules that we forget that we have this wonderful gift. It isn’t guaranteed that we will have another day after this day. There are so many random events that can completely alter life as you know it.
Moving Forward
Learn to appreciate every moment and enjoy the small things. Learn to live your best life and make it the most fulfilling it can be for you and in turn for others around you. If you aren’t happy,
Find what makes you tick and instead of comparing your life to someone else’s, think of what you’d miss out on if your life wasn’t like it is. Focus on the positives and train your mind to see
I have confidence in you, and I hope that this series has helped you. If you’d like to learn more and sign up for our email list in the process so you never miss a blog post, I’d like to send you a copy of our Dream Building 101 Manual – The Blueprint for Building the Life of Your Dreams.
If this series has been of some use and you feel inclined to, leave me a comment and I’ll get back to you. DustyDreamerHQ is here to help you the DustyDreamer discover and build the life of your dreams, so if there is something you want me to delve into further in a future post let me know!
Until next time,
Keep on working toward the life of your dreams!
PS: If you haven’t read Part 1 about dealing with lifes abstract losses, or Part 2 which tackles learning from regret why not check these out. You may find them useful.