I was inspired to write this post for all of you who might need some encouragement. If you’re feeling a bit down and out this one is for you. Life can be hard sometimes and people around you may not be helping in the way that you need. So, I hope this helps you to be kinder to yourself as you go through these difficult situations.
Why being kinder to yourself is important
This is only for now
In life there are so many ups and downs it is much like a rollercoaster ride in some respects. Some people feel the highs and the lows much more than others. The extremes of the spectrum can affect your sense of humor, your self-worth, your confidence and can even prevent you longer term from being satisfied with your life if you keep on clinging on to the past.
We have blog posts that deal with how to let go of regrets, accepting
How to be kinder to yourself
Just focus on getting through today.
During rough times in life it is easy to start beating yourself up for what you could or should be doing. But it isn’t fair to continue to have great expectations of yourself in every circumstance in life. Sometimes what is good for one situation is too much for another. So be kinder to yourself and just focus on getting through right now, today.
Your grand plans for the future don’t always have to be galloping forward at a hundred miles an hour. Even if you do one small thing to make progress or tread water while you go through whatever it is you’re going through that’s ok.
Being kinder to yourself is about learning to accept where you are and what you’re capable of achieving with everything that life has heaped on your plate, because you’re only human and can’t do everything all the time.
Accept where you are
Sometimes with all the crazy hanging around all you can do is to focus on the small things you can achieve. Allow yourself the time to slow down and take a deep breath. And try to accomplish small tasks that are relatively “easy wins.” By doing this you set your mind on a more positive course. You aren’t failing by all the huge things you aren’t doing, you are achieving gradually one step at a time.
Even if you just manage to get up out of bed and have a shower, brush your teeth and, get dressed, it’s a win you might not have had otherwise. Some days this may be all you can comfortably do and that’s ok.
Learning to be kinder to yourself is about accepting where you are and doing whatever you are capable of doing and being ok with that.
Forget perfection
Perfectionism is one way of attempting to control the situations we face in life. Trying to be amazing at everything, or never make any mistakes puts a lot of undue pressure on you even when things are going smoothly. But when unexpected circumstances occur and you continue to have this expectation of perfection the pressure just compounds and can cause you to shut down, stop work and give up.
This is because this state of expecting perfection isn’t realistic, fair, or kind, and actually it’s an impossible hurdle that you set yourself one that you may be unable to jump. So, if you are struggling because of this self-imposed idea that perfection is possible,
Rather focus on what you can do and only do that. This change in your expectation of yourself is something that will help you through the good times and the bad in life. Because perfectionism holds you back and stops you from finishing things and moving on to do something more productive and constructive with your time.
If you fall into the perfectionism trap, try to remind yourself that you are good enough and remember the 80:20 principle. This is a concept that says that can be applied to many areas of your life but in this instance 80% of your accomplishment comes from 20% of your effort, so the rest of your effort is spent trying to get that 20% completed just right. Being a perfectionist isn’t helping you accomplish more, it’s stopping you from moving forward.
When you start to remove these unrealistic expectations of yourself you will be able to in turn be kinder to yourself, relax a bit, and remove some of the pressure of life.
Kill comparisons and competition
This is somewhat related to perfectionism but it’s that unhealthy brand of drive that we may get from seeing what others are doing and where they are at in life. In learning to be kinder to yourself sometimes we are our own worst enemy. We expect more from ourselves, a higher standard, a greater level of accomplishment, and to keep being more than we already are.
This is a mixture of comparison and competition. Where perfectionism might be the competition you have with yourself, this way of thinking is about competing with others in an invisible race to a non-existent finish line.
It is important to realise that what makes you fulfilled as a human being is not the same as someone else. So, trying to achieve the same results as another person or get what they have may not end in you feeling happier or more fulfilled. No doubt your next-door neighbour, or the people you went to high school with are off doing amazing things but comparing yourself to them is not going to help you build the life of YOUR dreams. So, forget about them and focus on you and what you can do. You will be so much better for it.
Be comfortable in your own skin
Remember you are impressive in your own way and you have much to give without needing to try and compare or compete with that person. Learning to be comfortable in your own skin and with the wonderful things you have going for you and in your life is the key.
The best way to combat all of these things is to try to get out of your own head, forget perfectionism, kill comparisons, and stop creating competitions between yourself and others. You can start to get out of your head by writing down all the positive things about you and about your life. What are you grateful for? What makes you an awesome human?
Having this list and adding to it or reviewing it when you need to will help you to focus on what is good about you and help you realise that you should and can be kinder to yourself.
You are the only one who can be kinder to you
Although we all have our support network at the end of the day if you aren’t kind to yourself it really doesn’t mean a lot. Because your friends and family could be telling you how wonderful you are, but you won’t be hearing or believing it.
Figuring out how to accept who you are as you are and appreciating that there is no one else in the world quite like you is important. It can be a constant battle to keep reminding yourself of all the great things when you’re feeling down. It can also be easy to fall into familiar thought patterns of setting those expectations for yourself higher than Mount Everest.
Being unrealistic sets you up for failure and when you’re really trying your hardest it isn’t fair. So, being kinder to yourself is about being realistic about where you are and what’s happening in your life and what you can actually achieve with the time you have. Be ok with where you are and don’t give up!
Trust that if things aren’t so great right now, they will get better, and you will be able to in time make bigger steps forward. Most importantly wherever you are right now just be kind and take care of you as much as you can because you matter to me.